Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
