i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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