You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I had to cum in my sink.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize