I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
