Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
