I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
