If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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