hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
