her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
