K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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