My first STD was from a foam party
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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