Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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