I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
