This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
