absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
