She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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