just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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