Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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