So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
