he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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