i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Need sex. Gaining weight.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
All the doctor said was why
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
