My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
