Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
