We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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