I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
