This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize