my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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