Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
