her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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