my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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