your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
