and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize