I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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