your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
The best revenge is premature balding
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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