the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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