Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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