those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
