just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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