how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
