The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
