One girl and one boy is just not enough.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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