If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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