38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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