Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize