I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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