he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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