That's intense
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize