If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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