Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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