I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
