Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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