I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
