WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
