At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Randomize
