even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
