You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
