Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize