How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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