just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
