: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
