It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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