We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
