this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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