The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
