if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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