I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
