Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
