You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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