So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
