i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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