I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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