I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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