this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
