I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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