I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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